Golf Blogs Crucify Phil Mickelson

He had hit 2 fairways that day. Who says that he couldn’t hit a third? Johnny Miller absolutely crucified him for this decision and Phil Himself crucified Himself as being the biggest idiot since Roberto DeVicenzo signed his scorecard incorrectly at Augusta thereby costing himself the tournament. Phil over cut his driver onto the roof of the hospitality tent and the ball kicked back in bounds into the rough. Phil had no sickle and was caught in a big pickle. Earlier in the round he had tried to hit a 4 wood out of the rough from 140 yards and whiffed. Perhaps he felt that the 4 wood had cost him enough shots that day.

Had Phil Mickelson hit one good drive on 18 then today and for the next month every golf blogger on earth would have been cheering him on wildly for the next month as he went to Liverpool going for the Tiger Slam and then the real slam . Phil Mickelson is The Modern Bobby Jones aka The guy who has brought unheard of excitement to golf for the first time since Arnold Palmer went for the first green at Cherry Hills, or somewhere, I wasn’t there, I wasn’t alive, I didn’t do it.

Who says that Phil didn’t do it on purpose? The crucifixion didn’t hurt Jesus’ popularity. Jesus didn’t have to go into the Temple in Jerusalem and tell all of the Priests to take a hike, and threaten the rule of the Roman’s puppet Governor Pontius Pilate. He could have stayed silent, or moved to Egypt, or India. He could have taken Paul’s advice and Let it Be. Would Michelle Pfieffer have left Don Johnson and bedded Kevin Costner if he had laid up on 18 in Tin Cup? I am you and you are me and we are all together, We are the walrus, coo coo coo choo. Speaking of Semolina Pilcher, Golf is like life only on a larger scale. People from every country get along like gold on the golf course and at the Olympics and the World Cup but in real life Geoff Ogilvie’s caddie Kim Jong Il is strapping on a suicide bomb and running into the hospitality tent. Golf Bloggers are screaming that because he smiles on the course Phil Mickelson is an evil megalomaniac. Phil Mickelson smiles to trick his body from total fear into relaxation because Bob Rotella told him it works and this trick came one hole from giving him his third straight major.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. If we had listened to the global warming scientists like Stephen Hawking instead of the Exxon executives running the United States White House, Congress, and Supreme Court then we wouldn’t all now be facing an extinction level event – the thawing of the Arctic Siberian Alaskan Permafrost which will instantly release the carbon from the twigs and bones in the Permafrost up into the atmosphere releasing 1000 times the amount of carbon dioxide already up there and turning the Arctic into Phoenix in the summer. The Arctic and Antarctic Ice will soon melt completely and the earth’s one ocean will rise 50 feet and Denver will be prime beach front property. You would think from reading the golf blogs that Phil Mickelson had caused 911, the war in Iraq, global warming AND betrayed Jesus Christ.

Lets look more deeply at the root of what really is going on here. We all have a killer instinct. We needed to kill animals in the jungle for 5 million years to eat. We needed to kill other tribes for land to survive. We are all also racist. People will admit that they have a killer instinct but not that they are racist. White people have not had a heavyweight boxing champion for 75 years. They had to invent Rocky Balboa who won the title 5 times. Shaq and Michael took over basketball. Barry Bonds and Hank Aaron took over baseball. Tiger Woods took over golf and married a Swedish Supermodel to boot. The white male ego is so wounded now that Sigmund Freud, Bob Rotella and a case of Prozac couldn’t heal it. Then along comes Phil Mickelson and gives white males the sense that maybe just maybe they aren’t totally useless. And then he blows it. He blows the chance at the slam. Then all of our pent up fears and anxieties over Al Qaeda and Bin Laden and trillion dollar deficits and global warming and Twin Towers imploding come flooding out like a Tsunami washing Phil Mickelson into the Indian Ocean blogosphere.

The sick thing about golf is that no matter how successful we are in real life we tie our sense of self worth right to our latest score. Isn’t Geoff Ogilvie white? Didn’t he make the best chip in on 17 since Tom Watson? Yes, but he isn’t American. He wasn’t about to become the great white hope legend. Look at Monty? Americans hated him until only Britain joined them in Iraq. Now they love him. Monty stands on 18 tied for the lead in the center of the fairway 160 yards out for 10 minutes holding a 6 iron. At the last second a thought comes into his mind that the adrenaline will give him another 20 yards, switches to a 7 iron, comes up 20 yards short in the junk, and makes the same double bogey as Phil. If he had stayed with 6 iron he would have hit his normal fade stiff and gone from being Tom Weiskopf into becoming another Phil Mickelson. What was Jim Furyk doing out there, the salsa? He backed away from his 5 footer on 18 more times than Sergio Garcia used to regrip his club and then choked the 5 foot putt that would have put him into the playoff. Is there a point to any of this? Yes. We did fine without cars for 5 million years, we know that if we keep driving we will go instinct, yet we keep on driving SUV’s that get 9 miles per gallon. Human beings are the most intelligent and the least intelligent species on the planet. Would a Panda have hit Driver?

The Temple of Love – The World Peace Religion makes peace among and unites Christianity Islam Judaism and Everyone else and the countries they all live in as the first step towards World Peace. This is a good thing because as every nuclear scientist knows, including Dave Pelz, Phil’s short game coach, Nuclear World War 3 and its aftermath nuclear winter then ultraviolet summer will have exactly zero survivors and we are now involved in a world war in case you hadn’t noticed because you were too busy blogging about what an idiot Phil Mickelson was.

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